Friday, October 18, 2013

My Plus Sized Struggle...

I'm totally excited about this plus size revolution taking place. Especially now that I'm raising four girls all of which come in different shapes and sizes. It never made sense how the average American woman is a size 14 yet the only girls on the cover of my Seventeen magazine were a size 4. I'd occasionally coming across a fashion section usually titled "How to Dress For Your Body Type" featuring a plus sized girl and it was always super exciting.
 FINALLY! Someone who somewhat looks like ME!
At my absolute thinnest which was in high school at around 145 pounds (which is around where my BMI chart says I should be), I was still extra curvy. I've accepted that I'm just built this way. My daughter is as well along with all the rest of the women in my family. I grew up with two younger sisters, each of us with completely different body types and a mom who was generous enough to give each of us a little suttin' suttin'. (We get it from our momma ya'll.) *Snap*

My curvalicious sisters and I with our beautiful mommy.

But it ain't all genetics. I LOVE MY FOOD! I know it. I accept it. I will no longer deny it. (Not that I ever tried.) My name is Jessica Torres and I... am a foodie. I love my white cheddar popcorn and my Bryers mint chocolate chip. I love my candy and my salt. I love my Hot Tamales and my Butterfingers...

Wait a minute... this isn't the direction I meant to go...

So when I say I need to lose weight or workout... I need to do it to be the best possible version of ME. Because I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and quite frankly, right now... I don't. I can remember a time where I felt the most confident and beautiful I ever had and it was at 230 lbs. Ironically, that's when I started dropping the weight and kept it off until now after baby #3.
I'm happy being a size 14 (currently somewhere between 14 and 16) just so long as my extra goodies are tucked in where they should be and my bra straps aren't leaving permanent indents on my shoulders (which they are). And since the ta-ta's are made mostly out of fat and carrying them around all day HURTS, this stuff has got to go. Well... some of it. So I'll be working on this and I'll be updating ya'll on how that's working for me. One thing I want to make clear though... I LOVE MY CURVES. Yes, I'm guilty of saying cruel things to myself for how I look or "let myself go" but I'm working on it cause really... this IS me. I like my "big" legs and thighs and other parts of me I've learned to really appreciate over the years. My thunder thighs are here to stay.
Mental Note: I'll start on Monday... I swear, I'll start on Monday... or... Tuesday?

Most importantly folks... I just want to be HEALTHY. I want to be around as long as I possibly can. I realize there's many, many people who manage to stay perfectly healthy at 275 pounds. I'm just not one of them. After a certain weight, I'm feeling sluggish. I'm uncomfortable. I'm in PAIN. Which leads to depression. I get heartburn like a MUTHA. And again... the boobs. I see ladies carrying what look like boulders on their chest much bigger than mine and I have no friggin' idea how they do it. All I could think of how that underwire is making a permanent line across the top of their stomach after holding all that weight. I just need to get rid of mine is all I'm sayin'.

Those reasons should be all the motivation I need but... it's not.

Aside from the obvious reasons, I know I need to and have made significant strides with pinpointing the root of my issue with my weight and food. It's a necessary step I gotta take in order to move forward and make the changes permanent. I just struggle with finding the motivation to be mindful of this on a daily basis. Regardless of how great it feels after a good workout or how encouraging it is to notice my tummy is slightly flatter... I fall off again. I've realized my biggest problem besides getting motivated is staying motivated. I figure, if I blog about this struggle of mine, it'll put a little more pressure on me to follow through on taking steps to move past this hump.

Sooo... Monday. Which gives me the weekend to eat get rid of all this junk. I'll definitely start on Monday.

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