Thursday, October 24, 2013

On Becoming The Stepmom...

When I became single for the first time ever in my adult life- I made a list. I was taking a crack at the whole concept of 'asking and therefore you shall receive'... so I made a list of about 175 things I am looking for in the perfect man. (That's what The Secret said I should do!) Envision it in great detail as if it already exists and the universe will conspire to manifest it for you. I'm good at details...

#1. NO KIDS
#2. No kids
#3. NO KIDS

You may be thinking... But SHE has kids? Isn't that a bit unfair?

At the time I made this list I had every intention of keeping my love life separate from my children. (Which was stupid to even think was possible since my kids were never separate from me.) My kids dealt with some rough times with my separating from their dad, therefore, I wasn't going to drag them through any more grief. I was already preparing myself to kick the guy who dared say something negative about my children to the curb and swear off relationships all together until my babies moved out. After all, my kids had a dad and they're very much aware of who he is. I wasn't looking for someone to step in and play the role. 

It was only fair that since I didn't want anyone involved with my kids... I didn't want to have to deal with another persons kids either.This was my second chance and I refused to find myself gritting my teeth through baby momma drama, kids with bad attitudes and being put on the back burner to the "first" family.

There was just no way in hell.

Turns out... God had his own list written for me. And trusting He is even better at the details... The man I fell in love with has:

#1. THREE kids




It's been almost five years since I made these babes a permanent fixture in my life and I wouldn't change that decision for anything in the world. His now almost 7 year old reminded me not too long ago that we've known each other since she was 2. (As long as she can remember.) As for my list? ::chucks notebook out the window::

Step parenting has by far been one of the most challenging experiences like... EVER. Yet, possibly the most rewarding... aside from being a mom to my own, of course. It's not like your own kids who sorta just love us for letting them lease the space in our womb for 9+ months and keeping them alive to the best of our ability for the years after that. They better love us after 16 hrs of labor and letting them chew our nipples raw. Not to mention my belly and feet...


They will NEVER be the same again!!! ::dramatically dives onto bed sobbing::

Ehem... Anyway. 

During a seriously challenging time during which I found myself being full-time mom to all six of our kids... I searched for support. I wanted to know how other mothers managed. How do you speak to these kids? Is it really appropriate to treat them like you would your own? That can't seem right. How do you handle discipline? Should we discipline them? Baby momma drama? There was a whole lot of that not only in our home, but apparently in every other blended families home.


I was shocked and amazed at what I found in these "support" forums. Stepmothers beating down the thoughts, feelings and opinions of other stepmothers for expressing themselves about how they felt about their struggles as a stepparent. Stepmothers who pack up their kids and leave their home when the step kids come to visit because they want no involvement with them. Women holding resentment towards children over the behaviors of their mother or simply because the children are an "extension" of their mother. Women who chose to be stepmothers and hate their lives with their partners and live in constant regret and advising against taking on the challenge of step parenting because "you'll never win"... or "you'll always be the second family" and "no matter what, they always hate you." The only women that seemed OK with their role as a step parent either 1. Didn't have a child of their own and felt blessed to have a child in their life. 2. Accepted that in order for her to keep her family together she had to 'suck it up' and take the abuse from the kids/kids mother/husband and hope it gets better some day or 3. The other parent is completely absent from the picture and they have free reign with the kids. (Which I don't.)

So after reading all of this and lying awake wallowing in the depression caused by these so-called "support" forums... I decided... I have all the support I need from the man upstairs. (No, not my father in law... the other Man Upstairs.) And that same mommy sense that people tell you to trust with your own kids... it sort of applies to the bonus kids as well. Except in this case, you have a boundary to be aware of and chances are, you'll know when you're crossing it.

After a "series of unfortunate events"... ehem... (and one hell of a come back after one parents three year disappearing act...) We have the full crew every other weekend. I could write a series of novels on how we ended up with this visitation schedule but I've found Jesus since then so I'll save the rant. I also promised one of my girls I'd do my best to bring her the peace they all deserve no matter how hard it is. And trust me... she makes it so damn hard sometimes.


Every chance I get to spend with our kids is a learning experience. Especially now that they're all reaching delicate stages and ages and their needs are changing. Some days I feel nothing but overwhelming joy that our lives are so full. Other days are just overwhelming, period. That's usually when one of his kids will say or do something so sweet and meaningful and it turns my world right again and reminds me of why I took on the challenge in the first place. In my case, I'd say more of a blessing than a challenge. I also understand and respect those women who dove in to the task with the best intentions only to find that step parenting may not have been the right choice for them.


So as I stumble my way through the semi newness of helping parent children who didn't pop out of my uterus... I'll be sharing my stories, insight, advice and any other lessons I've picked up along the way. I'll begin posting my very own Step Parenting Rules in the near future. In the meantime, please feel free to share your own experiences & advice. Lawd knows with four "Type A" girls and two smooth talking boys, we're gonna need all the advice we can get!




Friday, October 18, 2013

My Plus Sized Struggle...

I'm totally excited about this plus size revolution taking place. Especially now that I'm raising four girls all of which come in different shapes and sizes. It never made sense how the average American woman is a size 14 yet the only girls on the cover of my Seventeen magazine were a size 4. I'd occasionally coming across a fashion section usually titled "How to Dress For Your Body Type" featuring a plus sized girl and it was always super exciting.
 
 FINALLY! Someone who somewhat looks like ME!
 
 
At my absolute thinnest which was in high school at around 145 pounds (which is around where my BMI chart says I should be), I was still extra curvy. I've accepted that I'm just built this way. My daughter is as well along with all the rest of the women in my family. I grew up with two younger sisters, each of us with completely different body types and a mom who was generous enough to give each of us a little suttin' suttin'. (We get it from our momma ya'll.) *Snap*

My curvalicious sisters and I with our beautiful mommy.

But it ain't all genetics. I LOVE MY FOOD! I know it. I accept it. I will no longer deny it. (Not that I ever tried.) My name is Jessica Torres and I... am a foodie. I love my white cheddar popcorn and my Bryers mint chocolate chip. I love my candy and my salt. I love my Hot Tamales and my Butterfingers...

Wait a minute... this isn't the direction I meant to go...

So when I say I need to lose weight or workout... I need to do it to be the best possible version of ME. Because I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and quite frankly, right now... I don't. I can remember a time where I felt the most confident and beautiful I ever had and it was at 230 lbs. Ironically, that's when I started dropping the weight and kept it off until now after baby #3.
 
 
I'm happy being a size 14 (currently somewhere between 14 and 16) just so long as my extra goodies are tucked in where they should be and my bra straps aren't leaving permanent indents on my shoulders (which they are). And since the ta-ta's are made mostly out of fat and carrying them around all day HURTS, this stuff has got to go. Well... some of it. So I'll be working on this and I'll be updating ya'll on how that's working for me. One thing I want to make clear though... I LOVE MY CURVES. Yes, I'm guilty of saying cruel things to myself for how I look or "let myself go" but I'm working on it cause really... this IS me. I like my "big" legs and thighs and other parts of me I've learned to really appreciate over the years. My thunder thighs are here to stay.
 
 
Mental Note: I'll start on Monday... I swear, I'll start on Monday... or... Tuesday?

Most importantly folks... I just want to be HEALTHY. I want to be around as long as I possibly can. I realize there's many, many people who manage to stay perfectly healthy at 275 pounds. I'm just not one of them. After a certain weight, I'm feeling sluggish. I'm uncomfortable. I'm in PAIN. Which leads to depression. I get heartburn like a MUTHA. And again... the boobs. I see ladies carrying what look like boulders on their chest much bigger than mine and I have no friggin' idea how they do it. All I could think of how that underwire is making a permanent line across the top of their stomach after holding all that weight. I just need to get rid of mine is all I'm sayin'.

Those reasons should be all the motivation I need but... it's not.

Aside from the obvious reasons, I know I need to and have made significant strides with pinpointing the root of my issue with my weight and food. It's a necessary step I gotta take in order to move forward and make the changes permanent. I just struggle with finding the motivation to be mindful of this on a daily basis. Regardless of how great it feels after a good workout or how encouraging it is to notice my tummy is slightly flatter... I fall off again. I've realized my biggest problem besides getting motivated is staying motivated. I figure, if I blog about this struggle of mine, it'll put a little more pressure on me to follow through on taking steps to move past this hump.

Sooo... Monday. Which gives me the weekend to eat get rid of all this junk. I'll definitely start on Monday.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Weedwhackers: Be Afraid. Be VERY Afraid...

It's funny how one minute you find yourself consumed with stress over the littlest things- and the next you're hit with something that could've REALLY been worth stressing over.

We need that from time to time.

This morning as I was driving the kids to school, I drove past a city worker trimming some edges with his weed whacker. I heard a pebble slam into my car super hard. Before I can turn to flash a nasty glare at the man for his negligence, I heard another pebble hit and the glass behind me (on my toddlers side) shatter.

Did that really just happen?! OMG Mayah...

 I froze in shock waiting to hear the blood curdling scream sure to come from the little one sitting in the car seat behind me. I was numb as I got of the van. The worker running over apologizing profusely upon realizing there was a car seat just behind the shattered window. I was bracing myself for blood. Possibly lots of it. I stood in front of where my window used to be and where my baby now sat looking back at me.


I can laugh at it now, though far from it at that moment. Cuppy still in hand and looking just a little bit confused, there she was covered in her blanket and tons of little black beads of shattered glass... and not a single scratch. Poor kid was sitting there minding her own business, happy with her sippy cup when the whole incident happened. She looked more annoyed that her breakfast was interrupted... not at all phased by the glass that just exploded inches from her face.


I lifted the blanket off my tot making sure to pour the glass away from her, shook it off and handed it the now frantic city worker. I pulled the little one out of her car seat and held her up for a quick and thorough inspection.

Nope. Nada. Thank you, God. 

As soon as the relief settled in of knowing there was no real harm done... I had to lighten the scene with a little humor. The poor city worker pacing behind me still apologizing profusely, clutching the baby blanket in both hands... I'm sooo sorry. I'm so sorry. Is she OK? That was crazy! Is she OK?

::Brushing some glass off the little ones pants:: She's ok... She's alright. Had she been hurt it would have a been a different story. You wouldn't want to stand so close in that case. 

*Nervous laugh from the weed whacking worker*

::Frowning at the thought of having to drive around with a ghetto rigged car covered in plastic bags and black duct tape:: 

'MAN! This couldn't wait until AFTER my coffee?!"

Soon as the police report was written... My shattered window and I visited the Dunkin Donuts drive thru for my coffee and the kids got dropped off at school.


After a few hours and the wave of David's magic wand... (err... debit card...) It was like nothing had ever happened. Though, I had spent a few minutes seriously pissed at the thought of having to pull over every once and a while to re-tape the big piece of plastic over the big ol' hole in my van- truth is... it's these kinds of mishaps that force me to stop and appreciate how BLESSED I am. 


All it would've taken was a tiny shard of those gazillion pieces of glass to land in my little ones eye to really make this a devastating day. Instead I have a random and somewhat funny story to tell. As much as I stress moving to a better area because of the behaviors displayed by some... the guys at the scene (whom I overheard live nearby) seemed genuinely concerned for the little one and sorry for the mistake. Living in a world where everyone is out for themselves... it was a comfort feeling that this guy didn't seem at all concerned with covering his butt over the well-being of my little one. We're probably always gonna be a little (maybe a lot) broke... but we were able to get the window fixed right away thanks to the babe. He took care of it all.  I'm not driving around a BMW but my big red van is all mine with no payments. (AND it has windows... *wink, wink*) 



I've had many days that have gone to hell over little things... but today wasn't one of them. Tonight I'm going to bed worn out... with a new respect and fear of weed whackers... and grateful for the experiences that remind us of what's really important. 

And coffee... I'm also grateful for coffee.







Monday, October 14, 2013

Why I've Been MIA...

::Crawling out of the black hole I've been hiding in for a week... Rubbing my eyes::

It's good to be back ya'll. 

I spent this entire week MIA from my blog and I swear I felt like a little piece of me was missing. Every thought that crossed my mind and every meal I planned came to mind in the form of a post or a Pinable moment. At least once a day I'd check in to my twitter and Facebook accounts as to remind myself that I am not completely disconnected from the world. 

So to fill you in... we sweated it out last weekend with apple picking. It was a first for all of us. Had I taken a moment to look at the forecast I would've chosen my outfit a little more wisely. The combination of a big girl in boots, jeans, quarter length sleeves and a scarf in over 80 degree weather lead up to a couple creative ways of wearing a scarf and some unexpected calorie burning. We did get some cute pics along the way along with some of the yummiest, juiciest apples I've ever sunk my teeth into. Here are some of favorite shots...





I've also been babysitting this past week. Just one precious little 2 year old boy. And while thousands of my momma bloggers manage to get their blogging done with 2+ children in their presence... it's different when it's someone else's little one. While I can trust that my own little one will dive off the arm of the couch into the cushioned sofa and not into our wood floors while I'm deeply focused on my blogging... I can't take the chance with someone else's kid. I also needed to stay on high alert for any sign of aggravation or frustration coming from either toddler. Rabid pit bulls have nothing on a cranky tot so to avoid dealing with the blood bath... I spent my energy keeping them happy and busy. 

This past weekend was a big huge blurr. Groceries, children, cleaning, children, cooking, children and more children. Saturday while I spent a few hours chasing my poodle around with scented puppy spray and a pair of clippers... Dad enjoyed a day at the the park with the tribe. Sunday I ran away for a couple hours of shopping before we packed up the crew for dinner at a friends house. Which as we unloaded our van full of children, some neighborhood kids declared, "Look! They're having a party!"


So... that's what I've been doing folks. Enjoying some family time, locked away with toddlers and missing talking to ya'll!

I would love to say that I got a whole lot of crafting done for the little one's birthday a few weeks from now, but that shit hasn't happened either. If anything my mind is more geared towards my sister visiting with my two nephews for a weekend at the end of the month. As the time draws nearer, it's looking more and more like a few balloons and take out for Mayah's 2nd birthday. 

Monday, October 7, 2013

Tis The Season to LOSE My Dang MIND!

As if having a big family doesn't already come with it's own challenges...


We're presented with sort of a unique dilemma:

SIX out of the 8 family member in our house have birthdays within the next few months. These are the days I'll be planning for...
Halloween kicks it all off October 31st
November 8th is baby's 2nd birthday
November 26th my boys 10th birthday and he'll be nice and stuffed for his bday dinner because...
Thanksgiving is November 28th and we'll also be eating cake...
November 30th is a 7th birthday
December 13th my girl is officially a teen
December 22nd my boo thang turns 33
December 25th Christ was born
December 31st-1st PARTY LIKE MUTHA EFFIN ROCKSTARS! (Well... the kids will.)
January 7th an 11th birthday for another one of our girls.


We discussed somehow assigning each kid a new birthday and spreading them all evenly throughout the year so that way EVERYBODY wins... but it's just not the same without the legal documents to back it up. (We talked about changing those too but we're pretty sure it's illegal.) We always have the option of throwing ONE big party for all of them but then I feel guilty for cheating them out of their special day. Not only that but then it becomes a matter of... do we invite EVERYONE we know? Do we rent a place? If we do... Entertainment? Food? What theme fits ALL their ages? Which takes me back to... It's more important because there's so many of them and they have to share everything else, that they each be recognized individually on THEIR day. All this baring in mind that we have to coordinate all of this around visitation schedules for two sets of kids... possibly just one. *Exhale*

Last year we came up with the brilliant idea of letting the birthday kid choose an activity they wanted to do on their birthday weekend which usually included dinner and an activity. We threw a big bash to celebrated the little ones birthday since it was her very first birthday and that would be it. Now dinner and an activity for 7 people on all of the above days is easily SUPER expensive. And then because I didn't want their actual birthdays to go ignored even though we did an activity on the weekend. I baked em some cupcakes and we'd buy them a gift as well which defeated the purpose of doing the activity. So really, we probably paid DOUBLE what we would have paid for one big party or doing little individual birthday dinners.

This year I'm going with a birthday dinner for each child with a few decorations reflecting each kids personality. I want to aim for at least one DIY decoration project for each kid to add a personal touch to each kids special day.


A little ambitious ya think? Maybe. There's no guarantee we won't end up slapping a few candles on a Pizza Hut pizza and handing one of em' a few bucks and calling it a night.

(Hmm... not a terrible idea...)

Good thing is... they're all pretty damn cool kids who despite the over abundance of technology they own, they still appreciate the little things. I doubt they'd hold the pizza against us.

Anyway, I'll be keeping ya'll posted...

Friday, October 4, 2013

Cleaning Is Totally Overrated... Apparently.

During a recent heated "discussion" with the man of the house he sorta made a good point.

In the middle of my rant (e hem... or shall I say 'RAMPAGE') about how I can't catch a break between the kids, the cooking and the cleaning to do shit for myself without having to stop and tend to someone else, he shut me up with...

WHO THE HELL DO YOU DO ALL THIS CLEANING FOR!? .... YOU DO IT FOR YOURSELF!!!
                            
I had a bit of a brain fart coming up with my comeback but I'm sure it went somewhere along the lines of...

YOU DON'T APPRECIATE ME!!! ::voice cracking while I fight back tears:: (He's right. He's SO right.)

So I wanted to take a moment and meditate on this a little bit...

I'm one of those people who absolutely CANNOT function when there's clutter within sight. I have to know EVERYTHING is in it's place and as it "should" be before I can move on with the next project or be able to focus on doing anything else. Yet, the house can NEVER be clean enough no matter how much time I spend cleaning, or thinking and stressing about it. There's always something to fix, a surface to wipe, a pillow to fluff, a piece to be bought and once it's all done there's still that permanent crack on the wall and other bits and pieces of evidence of the last 100 years of wear and tear in this house. Not to mention what's lurking under my bed and the junk drawer.

And then I think...

1. I don't have ANYONE visiting me during the day. (Except for the in laws who live upstairs and I'm hoping they don't judge the mess when they see it.)

B. HGTV isn't going to be knocking at my door to photograph my living room any time soon. 

Third. If I make the bed at 9am... with my pillow diving toddler I'm also making the bed at 10am, 12pm, 2:30pm before I run off to pick up the kids and again at 5pm before the man comes home.


And final: If the man & kids can manage to go off and be productive all day without giving a shit what they left lying on the floor here... Why can't I? Especially when there's something else I would rather much be doing (like oh... I dunno... blogging or enjoying the fact that I get to be home with my kid) than picking up after people who are VERY much capable of picking up after themselves. (Directed mostly at the kids... hubbs is very hands on with keeping things tidy aside from his habit of piling his laundry ON TOP of the basket instead of INSIDE the basket.)

I remember an argument back in my first marriage where the ex got a big head about the fact that he managed ONE day alone with the kids and still managed to have the house clean when I got home. He don' lost his mind when he went ahead and decided to claim it was "easy" and that he could do it everyday with his "hands tied behind his back." (Hence, why he is now the EX husband.) He said he let the kids turn the house upside down until the hour before I came home when he did a marathon cleaning.

I seriously wouldn't have known the difference had he not told me. Once I walked in the door, I didn't care how it was done... I was just glad it got done. And I'm sure David feels the same way. When you think about it... You really only need that ONE day a week of a deep cleaning for this little strategy to work. 

After a little interrogating of my then 3.5 year old, I also learned that daddy played Madden and Grand Theft Auto the entire day and fed tossed chips, hot dogs and soda at the kids for lunch and one of them may or may not have consumed my newest bottle of lotion. (Which explained why the bottles of breastmilk went untouched.) Hot dogs, soda and missing lotion aside. He got to play all day AND got shit done? Mutha f%$#*?! While the driving force was totally SELFISH... the dude may have been on to something.


I know for me, this obsession with trying to make everything "perfect" had a lot to do with justifying my existence. I felt (sometimes still feel) I'm home all day... I don't bring in a paycheck... this is the least I can do. Keeping myself so butt fucking busy doing the same shit over and over again everyday to keep up some sort of standard and shake off the stigma of being the lazy, pampered housewife that it makes me literally SICK. How about I stop giving a shit what anybody thinks I should or shouldn't be doing all day and I claim some time back for ME? It'll be a gift to myself. Happy fuckin' 30th Birthday year, Jess! Enjoy!

I'm a strong believer that kids need a structured and organized environment in order to focus and thrive. (Some of the time at least.) I'm ALWAYS going to care what dad comes home to cause I don't know of any man that's happy coming home to mess & chaos... Not mine at least. Except now I know he doesn't care much to know I spent hours trying to achieve perfection for him if it means he's coming home to a very unhappy, tired and worn out woman. In other words... a BITCH. (I'm PMS-ing too so yeah... it ain't pretty ya'll.)

I'm gonna try this whole "accepting the mess" technique for a bit and making the kids pick up after themselves after school more often. I seriously came to realize I'm cheating them out by not letting them learn to do some of these tasks for themselves. I'll do my best to refrain from ironing the wrinkles out of their beds for special occasions. 

I'm doing something I genuinely enjoy with my blogging. Where normally the notice of one of my picture frames having been budged over a centimeter would drive me absolutely INSANE... when I'm plugged into some sort of creative outlet I'm able to block out the world. Quite frankly, I need that sometimes. Like right now... I'm ignoring the mess on the floor and both mommy and nugget are at peace with the world. However, the smell that just burned it's way through my nostril hairs cannot be ignored so... GOTTA GO!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

The Versatile Blogger Award


versatile-blogger-award
I received this award a while back from one of my favorite mommy bloggers, Melissa from Forever Fitting InYou wanna see what the face of determination looks like? Check out her latest post here. At the time I was nominated I was super duper new to blogging so to have been nominated for this award was like, a BIG deal. That said, I wanted to take the time to warm up to the blogosphere and with choosing my nominees.
This is an award given from one blogger to another up and coming blogger. But since I can't really tell who's sorta new at this and being the rebel that I am, I'm gonna go ahead and name my absolute favorites.
And the rules to accepting this award are:
  • Upon receiving the award the blogger must acknowledge the blogger that has presented the award.
  • Name 15 deserving bloggers. 
  • Let em' know they've been nominated.
  • List 7 Interesting facts about yourself.
And here are 7 interesting (I hope) facts about me:

1. I LOVE TATTOOS. If I didn't have kids to someday deny permission for their own tattoos, I'd be covered in them. I only have 3 little ones. Two of my kids names on my wrists and a nautical star on my foot.

2. Most women fantasize about Christian Grey. I fantasize about dancing salsa. I love it with a passion.

3. I'm Puerto Rican... and I hate that I never learned to dance salsa.

4. I wanted to be a hair and makeup artist when I grew up... But mostly I really did just want to be a mom.

5. I'm a CPhT. While going to school I challenged one of my professors (who's life work was the study of medicine) on a calculation she made concerning the dispensing of an IV medication. She tried to prove my answer wrong (publicly) only to find my answer was correct (publicly). She pulled me aside after class and told me I have the potential to go very far in the field. I respected her and her devotion tremendously & felt more honored by her acknowledgment than I did when I got my actual certification. 

6. I hate Math... And medicine.

7. I'm so happy I had the experience of having a natural childbirth... Even if it wasn't on purpose.

But enough about me... now on to my nominees! ::anxiously rubbing hands together::

And my 15 nominees are:
1. Suburban Snapshots
2. One Funny Motha
3. Misadventures in Motherhood
4. Motherhood WTF?
5. The Mushy Mommy
6. SAHM 'Ventures
7. The Pursuit of Normal
8. Becoming a Milf
9. Glam Hungry Mom
10. Camii Soul
11. Eve of Reduction
12. Is Your Father Home Yet?
13. Missy Homemaker
14. Willfully Disobedient
15. Hot Mess Mom

Congratulations and thanks to all these ladies for spreading the wealth of wisdom, experience, tips and a whole lotta humor with the rest of us! Make sure to check em out ya'll! 

Not So Awesome Toddler Milestone...


"Set up a routine." They say is key to a sucessful blog. Well, I tried. I'm aiming to post on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays EXCEPT... the little one learned to climb out of her crib last week. Which means my life is like, officially overOkay, okay... I'm being a little dramatic. But you gotta understand... This was like, the ONLY moment of sanity I had left in my day. The hour or two of nap time where I could totally relax and rest knowing she's in the safe confines of her crib. But no... Not anymore.

Prior to this new 'milestone' of hers, I was able to blow dry my hair, or eat my lunch without it being snatched out of my mouth or catch up with the Kardashians, clean, fold laundry without having to refold it, mop, clean, blog, clean... now I can't do NUTTIN! The blogging I have been able to do is done from my bathroom which in this house is the 'sacred' zone. I can't sit three minutes now without worrying she climbed out and ate my ruby earrings or isn't chugging down my body spray and lotions on my dresser. Which, by the way, she's been trying to do a lot lately. I'm expecting her poop to smell like I walked into a Bath & Body Works any day now.

The only peace of mind when I'm not around to watch her every move is the baby gate. But the baby gate doesn't keep her from climbing shelves or diving off the arm of the sofa or shoving Pokemon cards into the DVD player. Sitting in the living room with her would mean a tug of war with the laptop and her coming up and coincidentally pressing the one button on the keyboard that deletes everything I've been writing for the last hour. I still can't figure out which button that is. My iPad is no longer mine either. I simply can't work under these conditions.

I've been eating my lunch hiding in the dark on the bottom bunk of my sons bed. Snacking behind doors while I watch her through the cracks trying not to breath too loud hoping she won't find me. Cause it's not enough for her to have her own lunch. Everything tastes better off my plate! Which if I think about it, she's probably doing me a favor. I've been appreciating my gym time alone a whole lot more and am cutting down a lot on my snacking since ya know... there IS no downtime. As a result I lost 2 pounds this week.

So, once again... Thank you, Mayah. Thank you very much. 

Have I mentioned this new milestone of hers is super dangerous? She seems to have this new skill perfected but with wood floors we can't take too many chances. Now for the big question... Big girl bed and pretty much kiss nap time goodbye? Or glue the legs of all her jammies together? Hmm... Decisions, decisions... 

The only way she'll nap now...