Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Mirror, Mirror...

So today I finally get a moment to tend to my eyebrows. These things were damn near growing a mind of their own. I sit with my compact mirror and tweezers and get to work. Mayah, who had been minding her own business for the half hour before I decided to sit down, decided she was no longer into her puzzle and in true toddler fashion... snatched my mirror.

No, Mayah. Don't touch! I snatched my mirror back and tried to get back to work.

The little one crawled on to my lap and the tug of war over the mirror continued a few more minutes until she finally got the hint and gave up. She sat on my lap quietly... me tweezing away looking in my mirror... little by little without realizing it, I was leaning out of view in the mirror to make way for the other little face leaning in towards the reflection. Curious as to what mom was so focused on, Lil Ms. Nosey couldn't resist checking it out for herself.

I fought the urge to pull away and continue tweezing cause seriously... I NEVER find the time for this sorta stuff... and I held the mirror towards her instead.She fidgeted and waved the mirror around a little bit until I could only guess, she caught her own eyes in the reflection. And the smile that came across her face was priceless.

Who's that? Mayah. Oooh so pretty, Mayah, look...

I closed the compact and opened it again... closed it and opened it again and again just to see her reaction. Each time her eyes met her reflection, she lit up and she'd smile ear to ear pointing in the mirror...

Oooh wow... peeety... peeety... she said again and again.

And I couldn't help imagine what it's like to be her, seeing herself through her eyes. She doesn't understand what beautiful is or what ugly looks like. She doesn't know what it means to be fat or skinny. She doesn't see fair, caramel or chocolate colored skin. She's not aware of the way her hair falls... how far apart or close together her eyes are... or the shape of her lips.

I could only imagine what it's like for her to look in the mirror and how happy she must be to see a familiar face. A beautiful, happy, kind and friendly face. Her very own "peeety" face.  And I remembered one of my favorite quotes:

I ponder on this thought and how I should try harder to look at myself through those same eyes. And that's when the ugly thoughts start creeping in... It makes me a little sad to think of how society is eventually going to distort the image she has of herself. She'll be bombarded with images of airbrushed figures and unrealistic beauty standards even to the model in the photo. How it's embedded in so many of us women to look in the mirror and pick and prod at our faces with imaginary scalpels, pins and needles until we no longer recognize ourselves as a perfect creation made in His image. Like so many of us, she'll look in the mirror and only see what needs to be "fixed". She may be led to believe she lacks self control because her thighs touch and her arms are too soft...

But as rudely as these thoughts interrupted and tried to steal this moment with my daughter... I had to put these thoughts in check.

Screw society and their standards. Society isn't raising my girls. I'm Mom. And in a girls world... Moms voice is the loudest... Even when she's not around to speak words of reassurance like mothers do when their daughters feel insecure. Chances are, if mom can look in the mirror and tell herself that she's pretty for her girls to hear... her daughters will be able to say it too.

So now because I stopped my plucking to write this... it's time for me to pick up my kids from school with one perfectly shaped eyebrow and other lookin' something like barbed wire. Eh. Just another opportunity to set an example!

My Latina Beauty Queen.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Mommy Has A Potty Mouth: Part Deux

I can't. 

I just can't do it.

No matter how hard I try I can't stop cursing.

Remember those "alternative" words I tried to come up with? Yea. That shit didn't work. Instead I found my self cursing and then following the curse word with the replacement word (as if my loved ones didn't hear the original curse word) and cursing again because I CURSED. Which actually defeats the purpose of this whole trying not to curse thing. 

I was telling the babe last night... This shit just isn't me. Especially in my blogging. I can keep em out of my recipes and tutorials of course. I would never instruct you to "sprinkle some shit on your pasta" or "glue this shit to the other shit". But it wouldn't sound like me to just NOT do it... especially when I'm describing my day. Because trust me... There's a whole lot of cursing in my regular day. Even if i don't always say it out loud... I'm either mouthing it, thinking it or mumbling it. To try and describe my day without the cursing is something like experiencing the flavor and richness of eating filet mignon but serving my friends a bland piece of chicken. And I'm not that kind of friend y'all. After all... Sharing is caring, right?

I'm still a nice person.  Sometimes unusually nice to people who probably don't deserve my nice-ness. I'm still a great mom... I know it... I've heard it... The kids say so in their Mothers Day cards every year. I still correct my kids when I hear them say something out of line of the morals we teach. And if they ever dare ask why I curse sometimes the answer is...

Because I CAN damn it!!!

Because I'm the adult and you're the child. I have a drivers license and can legally buy wine and I don't intend on putting an end to driving or drinking wine just because you're not allowed to... which for the record you should NEVER combine those two together. Never. EVER.  I cursed my ASS off during the 32 hours of labor with a failing epidural with you (my son cause he would be the one I explain this to) and I don't see why I should stop now. The more pain in the ass shit you do, the more I'll curse cause that's my RIGHT. And when you have children of your own someday you'll understand what all the, "What the fuck is this shit?!"s and "LAWD just fuckin take me now!"s you've heard growing up were all about! That's when I'll pat you on the back and welcome you to Parenthood and laugh at the thought-"Payback's a bitch." 

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't want to put the vision into anyone's head that I'm some crazed, lunatic mom who hates motherhood so much that I find reason to curse it every morning I wake up. It's very much the opposite. I love everything about motherhood. It wouldn't be motherhood without experiencing the good, the bad & the ugly and good Lord is it good. Being a mom is a blessing most of us don't deserve it's so amazing. Even if at the moment I'm wishing I were somewhere else... Those moments are rare compared to moments that there's no place in the world I'd rather be than right here, right now, with my kids. 

My children are all magnificent kids. They're funny & smart. Random & creative. Respectful, sweet & loving. I could go on and on but I might seriously bore the shit of you if I do that...


Like all great kids... They're STILL kids!  Kids that think up new ways everyday to drive you up the friggin wall and make you question all that you thought you knew on the rules of science and they make us SWEAR! A lot!

So while I still have to keep in mind that I have teeny growing ears around me at all times... I'll focus more on the mumbling or mouthing of the curse words. I accept my cursing is a part of me as the dimples on my ass so I'm just gonna have to figure out a way to work with both of em' so they don't hurt nobody. 

::deep cleansing breath... And release:: 

Friday, September 20, 2013

No More Stinky Sippy Cups!

I'm totally guilty of overspending on my toddlers sippy cups. The bigger, brighter and more space aged and oddly shaped they are, the better. Not only to I figure the pricier the cup the more "spill proof technology" there is. (Also, the rounder and sleeker they are, the more aesthetically pleasing the cuppy is and the less I'll mind seeing them on my drying rack.) >>O.C.D.<<

 The down side is that the better the "spill proof technology" is, the more complicated the little pieces parts are that keep the milk inside the cup and not on your carpet where it eventually turns into a game of "Where's the Cheese?" This is also where my germaphobia kicks in. The more complicated the pieces parts are, the more nooks and crannies there are for germs to sit and accumulate with each cup full of something I give her. These little hard to reach places are impossible to reach with bottle or nipple brushes, much less sponges or rags so I used to use Q-Tips. Yup. I legit stood at my sink for what seemed hours on end cleaning the gunk out of sippy cups with tiny wads of cotton... And even those didn't always do the trick.

In comes the OXO cleaner system. Sounds fancy huh? It really isn't. As simple and absolutely
NECESSARY as this little gadget is, I couldn't believe this is the first product I've ever seen of it's kind.

And this my friends, is it... Kinda cute, right?

3 little brushes + 3 different functions = 1 very happy hypochondriac momma.
One of the brushes is your overall scrubby brush small enough to fit all your little hard to reach crevices. That long brush is used to clean the inside of your little ones straws. It's super flexible to fit even bendy straws. Up until now I never considered buying sippy cups with straws for this very reason... 
So what happens when a cuppy full of milk rolls under the couch for a week? How do you clean THAT out of a straw?? No longer a problem.
The absolute sell for me was the pointy needle thingy. That little device is used to clean the teeny holes your little one sips through which to ME is also the ultimate breeding ground for germs and bacteria since I could NEVER get into them! >>GERMAPHOBE<<
I also love that the brushes can be snapped on and off this handy little ring. But since I have a tendency of losing everything, my brushes stay attached and conveniently hung by my kitchen sink. And since I've gotten a WHOLE lot of use of these since the little one weaned herself from the boob, this little doo-hickey here has become a MUST HAVE. 

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

What's In My Bag?: The Mommy Version

You ever wonder what's in another mommas baby bag? Come on... Don't act like you don't...

 I do.

I'm most curious about the contents of those huge, tightly packed looking, super swanky baby bags hanging off the bars of them super pricey European strollers. I imagine little containers of organic homemade sushi rolls & grapes, peeled and sliced tucked into a cool container for freshness and nestled in a convenient compartment within the bag. Whatever is in that baby bag has to be as thought out and planned as the polo shirt & matching sweater tied around the owners neck that just so happen to match the exact shade of her loafers. What do the housewives of Wisteria Lane consider so essential that they're willing to carry forty pounds over their shoulder every where they go? Would it be similar to the contents of a baby bag accidentally left behind at a train station in South Side Bronx? Or a mom from Bridgeport? (Hypothetically speaking of course.) Let's not get started on those massive hiking backpacks usually strapped to daddy's back. Not only would I love to see what's so important that it needs to stay strapped to dad at all times... But I can't help also wondering... Does he volunteer to carry that around? Was it his idea to purchase a hiking bag over a brightly colored baby bag? Oh... I think I get it now...

It was only natural [of me] to wonder... Does anybody ever wonder what's in my bag??? I mean, besides the people that pick up my bag to move it and find themselves struggling to pick it up off the floor?

What the heck do you have in there!? Your entire HOUSE!?

No, no... that's in my other bag. 

If you're a loyal reader of Us Weekly (I gotta keep up with the Kardashians ya'll), you're probably familiar with the 'What's in My Bag?' section of the magazine. Ya know... Where celebrities are asked to dump the contents of their purses and share what they're toting around in their trillion dollar hand bags? Well, I thought since I'm so interested in what my mommas are carrying in their baby bags... I'd make up my own version of 'What's In My Bag?'.  

Here's What's in My Bag: The Mom Version...

  •  iPad which has now officially become Mayah's portable entertainment center.
  •  Wallet stuffed with receipts.
  •  Diapers Huggies all the way baby!
  •  Wipies a necessity whether you have a kid or not.
  •  Barbie guitar doesn't everyone have one?
  •  Unidentified crumbs  ::wipes up some mystery crumbs with finger... *sniff, sniff*... *lick*...
  •  Graham cracker crumbs
  •  Tommee Tippee sippy cup ::tosses into kitchen sink::
  •  Boogie Wipes an absolute necessity during cold and flu season. Especially when the little wakes up from a long nap with boogies plastered across their face. These things break through cement boogers like Dawn cuts through grease! Bonus: They smell SO good!
  • EOS organic lip balm sphere the scent is addicting.
  • Saline drops I was looking for this!
  • A doll hand a Monster High doll hand to be exact.
  • The Itsy Bitsy Spider cause reading is FUNdamental. (Get it? FUNdamental? He he he *snort*)
  • Limited Edition Girl Axe a gym essential. The goal is to sweat like a pig, not smell like one.
  • Receipts receipts, receipts and more receipts.
  • Empty Sprouts Organic Puree Pouch AKA life savers.
  • Dunkin Donuts napkins along with a Stop & Shop coupon book soaked in old white grape juice and an up to $20 off on your next Six Flags Great Adventure visit coupon... hair clip... teddy bear hair tie and a snow cap. ::this snow cap looks good still... oh the TEMPTATION!::
So there it is. All of my "essentials". Not including the change of clothes which soaked up the majority of the apple juice that used to be in that now empty juice box.

What's in your bag? OMG... Does anyone have a one those hiking backpacks?!

Monday, September 16, 2013

The Liebster Award!

When I first entered the blogosphere I found myself feeling extremely overwhelmed and a tad bit discouraged...

Who's gonna care what little ol' me has to say???

Where do I even start???

Networking? How do I do that when the only real conversation I have the majority of the day is with myself?!

With nobody but my momma and my fiancée reading my blog in the beginning (momma didn't know for some time after I started), and the thousands of super entertaining material out there, it's an honor to be noticed and recognized by a fellow blogger. It was nominated last week for the Liebster Award by Melissa from Forever Fitting In who is among one of the most inspiring people I've come across in the blogging world. (Or like, ever.) Please take the time to read through her health and fitness journey and check out her before and after pictures. Motivation to the Umph degree, I promise!

So as a nominee of the Liebster Award, I now get the chance to spread the love to my fellow bloggers.

And the rules are:
  • The recipient must acknowledge the nominating blogger along with the link to her page.
  • Answer the 10 questions the nominating blogger has prepared.
  • Nominate ten blogs with less than 200 followers along with their page links.
  • Give 10 questions for the nominees to answer.
  • Let the nominees know they have been selected!
And these are the questions Melissa gave me to answer:
1.  What is your hidden talent? I don't care what my kids say... I'm the best shower singer EVER.
2.  Who, besides your kids inspires you? My mother the hero. I've always wondered how she did it. Now that I've had just a little taste of what being the mother of a preteen girl is I'm even MORE at a loss for words as to how she did it alone with three extremely headstrong girls. (Headstrong like our momma that is.)
3.  Describe your perfect day? Family & friends. Good food. Lying beneath the trees of a beautiful picturesque park on a clear and sunny 72 degree day. No humidity. Forgetting the world and possibly even the fact that we have children since they're off having a blast playing in the safety of an enclosed traffic and dog free zone.*dreamy sigh* ::daydream interrupted abruptly when the little one throws her bowl from her highchair:: 
4.  What are you most afraid of? Failure. Especially if someone other than myself is invested in my venture. I wouldn't know how to face them if I failed.
5.  What besides your kids is your greatest accomplishment? I guess I would have to say, myself. On an emotional and personal level.  In learning to analyze myself during my struggles I feel that I've come a long way from where I was a few years ago. I try to make the effort to approach everything with an open mind and always looking to evolve when it comes matters of the mind.
6.  If you were an animal what kind would you be? A hummingbird. Because even as an adult I like to imagine these flittering, mysterious, fast flying, adorable little creatures come from some magical, lush fairy land. (I gotta google the habitat of hummingbirds) Or a Lion. rawr.
7.  Wine, beer, tequila or water? Water.
8.  What is your best quality? My personality... Or so I've been told.
9.  Why did you start blogging? Because it's something I never thought I'd be brave enough to do in fear of being judged. Because I'm shy but I have a whole lot to say and having imaginary conversations and getting caught mouthing them to myself was starting to get a little embarrassing. I reflect more on this question on my post titled "On Why I Blog"...
10.  If you were to give to one charity (or start your own) what would it be? It would definitely be to a charity focused around building the self esteem and empowerment of girls. Or a charity such as Beat Bullying who provides support and resources against bullying not just in our schools, but society in general.

Questions for my nominees:
1. If there was a show about your life... What actor would you pick to play your role?
2. What is your life long dream?
3. If you can visit any place in the world... where would it be?
4. What inspired you to start your blog?
5. Chicken, fish or steak?
6. If you could have any talent in the world... What would it be?
7. I'm a genie... You have 3 wishes...
8. It's 1am. You can't sleep. What's on your mind?
9. Home improvement project: DIY or pay a professional?
10. What is your definition of success?

And my nominees are: *drum roll please*
Diary of An Angry Pregnant Lady
The Pursuit of Normal
SAHM' Ventures
Ms. Adventures
Is Your Father Home Yet?
Becoming a MILF
Willfully Disobidient
DeBie Hive
Life on the SONny Side
Mina & Her Blog

Friday, September 13, 2013

Giant Flower Headband Tutorial

I thought this was a dying trend so I was surprised when my fashionista preteen asked if I can take her shopping for giant flowers for her hair. She wore the flowers last year but had given them up for the suspenders trend... which gave way to the geek glasses trend... both of which went hand in hand with the mustache trend somehow. Now back to flowers? (She recently wore all these things in one outfit... in public.) Anywho... I've gotten so many compliments on my littlest ones flower headbands back before she started tearing her hair apart for fun. I figured this would be a great opportunity to save a buck and share with you how to make your own giant flower headbands.

  I know it's a little crazy to admit... but these headbands were the reason my third baby just had to be a girl. Even if I had been told during our gender determination ultrasound that we were having a boy... there was no way that little boy was going to get out of babyhood without me sneaking at least ONE pic of him in an ultra pretty giant flower headband... and possibly a tutu. (Don't judge me.) But... there was no need for those extreme measures... we were having a girl. It was barely a week later when I sat at my computer ready to make my very first baby girl purchase. These headbands were going for $16-20 each! Yes, they were fabulous but I couldn't justify spending that much on just one headband. Plus, a girl needs choices, ya know? It had been a while since I had done anything crafty... Maybe I could make one!

I made a trip the next morning to the closest Dollar Tree. Jackpot! They sell peony and a variety of other flower bushes with 5 to 6 stems for $1 each! The plan to make one headband went out the window. I stocked up on different colors and flowers... made a stop at Walmart for the rest of my supplies and got to work. Here I was barely 4.5 months pregnant and popping these babies out (no pun intended) in every color I could think of. I wanted a giant flower headband to match every possible outfit she may have. Today we have a little girl with a very impressive collection of giant flower headbands all made by mommy... and a Giants jersey purchased by daddy.

Now I wouldn't suggest these headbands for everyday use. In my case I was afraid doing so would eventually cause a bald spot or obstruct the little ones view while she develops her peripheral vision. (Yes, this is how my mind works.) They're great as a finishing touch to those thought out outfits and they're an especially adorable accessory for photo ops.

Here's what you'll need to make your own giant flower headband:

  • Flower (I like the puffier, fuller look so I doubled up on my flowers)
  • Gem, button or beads for the center of your flower
  • Glue gun
  • 2 felt circles
  • Elastic band
  • Scissors
  • Needle & thread

Step 1: Take your flowers apart & remove all the
 hard plastic pieces parts.

Step 2: Using a small dab of glue in the center of each layer of petals, reassemble your flower. Press down and hold until glue dries & each layer is securely glued down. (Otherwise our pretty headband won't make it down the street.) Remember, for a fuller looking flower you can double or even triple up on your petals.

Step 3. Glue your gem to the center of your flower. (You may choose to use buttons or jeweled centers that can be sown down for extra security. These pieces are a potential choking hazard so I def like to put extra attention into seeing that these pieces cannot be pulled off easily.)

Step 4. Cut elastic band to desired size. (I measured using the actual head I intend to make it for... But they're stretchy so it's almost sorta a one size fits all deal after a year old) Sew the ends together securely. 

Step 5. Glue felt circle to back of flower. 

Step 6. Glue elastic band and remaining felt circle to back of flower. Press and hold for a few minutes to secure.

And you're done! You're headband is ready to wear and sure to impress!

Here's a few of my fave shots of my girls wearing their flowers...

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Somewhat Homemade: Tikka Masala Curry Chicken & Naan

This meal in my house is referred to as the "spicy chicken thing with the rice". David has been wanting to take us to an Indian restaurant for as long as I've known him. Not being so sure of what my taste is when it comes to their herbs and spices... He bought curry in a jar.
Now, since I've never been to an authentic Indian restaurant, I honestly can't give an opinion as to how this meal measures up to an authentic Indian meal. But! We know all that we need to know in this house and that is that this stuff is good! It's also super easy and simple. If you're someone who finds rice a little tricky to make, Uncle Ben sells basmati, as well as brown rice in microwaveable pouches.

When I first tasted this meal, David used white rice or basmati rice. Today, I use brown rice and I just recently decided to add frozen peas to the chicken for a little added health benefit.

This is what you'll need:
  • Chicken (breast or boneless, skinless thighs) *1 lb makes about 4 servings*
  • Olive oil
  • Patak's Tikka Masala Curry
  • Rice (white, brown or basmati)
  • Stonefire Baked Naan (regular, garlic or sweet chilli flavor)
  • A little salt & pepper to taste
  • Cumin (optional)
  • Frozen peas (optional)
  • Sliced jalapeño (extremely optional)
1. Prepare rice as directed on the package. (If using microwaveable pouches, prepare rice just before serving.)
2. Cut up chicken into just about 1 cubes or slices (whichever you prefer). Pour about 1-2 T of olive oil into a large skillet. Lightly season chicken with salt & pepper if desired. (I usually sprinkle with cumin as well) Cook chicken through on medium/high heat.
3. Pour in Tikka Masala Curry. This is where I add my frozen peas. (If you like heat... this is also where I mince up a single slice of jalapeño and add to the simmer. Yes. Our toddler LOVES it too!)
4. Cover & simmer 10-15 min or until peas are cooked through. 
While your curry chicken simmers on low...
5. Heat oven to 400*. Place naan straight on the rack and bake for about 4 minutes.
6. Lightly brush naan with olive oil. 

Once your chicken is simmered to perfection. Pour your curry chicken over a serving of rice.... Tuck a nice piece of toasted naan into your dish. (Garlic naan is my personal favorite.) Stand back and admire your not-entirely-homemade masterpiece. Sit & Enjoy!

Monday, September 9, 2013

Mommy Has A Potty Mouth...

I feel like I should start this off with some sort of warning.

**For my sweet mommas who are faint of heart. I love you and I applaud your perfect mommy ways and your endless effort at whispering words only angels would say into your children's ears at all times. I do not wish to offend you. You may find the following horrifying. With that said, this post may not be for you.**

::Now entering the No Judgment Zone::

 A couple days ago I walk into my living room to find my little one had swiped a cupcake and was dropping cake crumbs all over the couches and living room floor...

OH S%#T!!! I yelled as I dive for the cupcake in baby's hand.

OH THISH!!! Yelled baby as she ran away, cupcake still in hand leaving behind a crumb trail.

Did she just say 'OH S%#T?!?!' Yells dad from the kitchen.

Yes. Yes she did. ::Hanging head in shame:: (Damn. I can't say NUTTIN!)

I should have learned my lesson when my oldest daughter, who was then three, got a Barbie brush stuck in her dolls hair, "Urgh! F%#@!" instantly covering her own mouth in shock and probably feeling super guilty that she said it out loud.

I was mortified. Not with her. With myself. I didn't find the incident "cute" until some time later.

I've seen parents that laugh at their kids misbehavior. As tempting as it to crack a smile at these teeny little kids sticking their tongues out, chubby fingers flipping the bird and baby voices cursing... I try not to. Usually the image of them doing this as they get older because we chose to laugh at it today is enough for me to see nothing funny in this.

Nothing irritates me more than to listen the way kids talk....
Am I just an old fart?
Do they even know what that means!?
They must not have had home training...

So when my oldest daughter made a tearful confession to me recently... It stung. She confessed that she recently started cursing "a little" in front of her friends because she wants to be more normal. She was afraid people were thinking she was "weird" and a "perfectionist" because she didn't curse.

My response: Why the F@%* would you want to be like everyone else!? Dammit you ARE perfect! What's so wrong with people believing that??? This S#%T is crazy! What can I do as your mother to change this???

Mom? That. Can you do that?


Can you not curse.


Does it make sense that I've gotten so wrapped up in raising a perfect little lady that I used any means necessary (cursing) to get the message across how important it is to watch what you say or do?
For example: When I hear teenagers cursing in the playground... "I can't stand the way these F%&$@N kids talk! That's so D@&N disrespectful! If I EVER catch one of you talking this way..." And there's my mild case of road rage... ::cut off by some punk:: "Watch it you STUPID F$%&!!! Can't you see I have children in the F$#@%N car!!! You dumb son-uva..." Make any sense??? No? Anyone??? Well... this is why I never made a Swear Jar. Ya know... those Swear Jars where you have to deposit a certain amount of money for every curse word you say. I'd never keep my monthly budget.

I've always used the excuse for cursing that 1. I'm an adult and I can. 2. I feel that strongly about the issue that it calls for a curse word and 3. I'm not mean or scary and I'm very soft-spoken (most of the time) and cursing is the only way I can drill a message across and sound somewhat intimidating.
However, I do have to admit... It's gotten just a little out of line. When I find myself in church making a conscious effort not to let an F-bomb slip... that's not a good thing. In my defense, a holier lady than I let the word "damn" and "hell" slip out. (She was extremely upset.) I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little better. Mostly I was just glad I didn't do it first. Or did I?

Last night my better half brought up the issue of our cursing. When we first met, he never heard a single ugly word come out of my mouth. We were in a long distant relationship... had to hook him somehow. I don't know what happened between now and then that caused me to start it up again, but I did. (Well... I have an idea but that's a whole other post.) But now with the little one learning to talk and who's vocabulary has been building from the womb, we need to bring it down a notch... or two. Not only for the obvious reasons (a house full of sponges)... But because he also felt that cursing took away from my words. He's right. There's absolutely no power behind those words. I know it. I teach it. Now it's time for momma to practice what she preaches. That's not to say I won't ever use them again, like... EVER. I am human. A very stressed human at times. But I definitely need to be much more conscious of what I say out loud. I mean... If I ever heard someone talk the way I sometimes talk in front of my kid... I'd curse them out. Now I have the fun task of coming up with "replacement" words I can stick with. Words that can roll off the tongue gracefully and effortlessly, ya know? Cause I'm a friggin' lady.
 I'm working on this list here...
F#$K! = FUDGE! or FARFENOOGAN! or the more natural sounding... UGH! YOUR MOTHER!!!
S#@T! = POO! or SHIZNIT!
SHUT THE F$%^ UP! = Yeah Right!? or SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

Any other suggestions? 


Thursday, September 5, 2013

On Why I Blog...

This probably should have been my first post. But when I started this blog I couldn't say I had any real intention on sharing any of this. Part of that reason being, that I wasn't exactly sure what direction I wanted to take this. The bigger reason being that I like my privacy... A LOT. It was suggested to me that I start blogging because I have the "gift" of written expression... or being a "drama queen" as most of my loved ones like to put it. (For the record... My reactions are totally legit!) With the number of mommy bloggers out there enjoying the success blogging has to bring to their families, it wouldn't hurt to at least try... Right?

No. I'm a stay at home mom. If being noticed and money were what motivated me... I would've chosen a different career path, wouldn't you think?

If I'm going to do anything worth sharing, I need to be able to find what it is that's going to motivate me into following through with it. What reason could I find that is so important, so persoanl and so much bigger than my fears, self-doubt and my shyness?

Well... I found my reasons...

I've been the type of mom who dwindled herself to nothing to herself so that she can be everything to someone else. I know what it's like to put the passions that once defined me aside for the sake of nurturing the interests and talents of another. I've struggled with maintaining my identity as anything other than a mom, a wife, and a homemaker. I've found myself in tough situations and struggled through some battles that could have killed my spirit. I know what it is to feel your world crashing down around you... Feeling that at any moment some big black hole will swallow you whole but knowing that if you succumb to those feelings... You're leaving survivors behind. Yet, somehow today, I find humor in EVERYTHING. Well... almost everything. And through moments of enlightenment... always manage to find a way back to myself. Mostly because I was lucky enough to where during my times of struggle and doubt... someone's voice broke through the dark to say, "You're not alone in this."

That voice wasn't always someone I knew. There were times that it didn't even have a face. Sometimes it came from the story of a loved ones experiences... Other times it came from an article... Or a song... A book... God maybe... Or yes, even a blog.

I blog because even though there's a huge community of mothers out there who find themselves stumbling through motherhood... It's much too easy to feel lonely in the world. I'm here to say, that's far from the truth. For the ladies who struggle with their body image and the belief that you're ugly if you can't fit into a pair of size 6 pair of jeans... I'm here to tell you, I struggle with this too and good Lawd... You're fucking gorgeous! *snap* Need suggestions for dinner? Which products I wish had been invented back when I had the first kid? Beauty tips? Not so beauty tips? I'll talk a little about all of that.

Most importantly I blog because I want to chronicle the sweetest time of my life. When my babies were babies (preteen or not, she's still my baby) and mom was the celebrity in the house (don't bust my bubble, okay?). I want to share my joy and the struggles of raising them. I want to share the highs and lows of "starting over", blending a family, and all the other unique challenges that come along the second time around at happily ever after. (For real this time). 

I've been inspired by so many of these women. Regular women that you see every day... walking down the isles at our supermarkets and chasing their toddlers down in Walmart parking lots (ya know... besides just me...) yet little do we know, some of these women go home to run their homemade empires. Some spread light with their wisdom, inner peace or their humor. Others simply hope to reach someone who will be able to relate. 
 So, after 30 years of being known as the "quiet girl" who was secretly SCREAMING inside... I'm finally brave enough to put some of ME out there. Because I just up and decided one day that I CANNOT leave this earth without sharing a teeny bit of what's in the inner most part of my soul... as well as what's on my dinner plate. Some days the post may be about something silly, others not so funny, random, or focused just towards the ladies... but I know that SOMEONE, somewhere has GOTTA relate. If I can be the little voice that breaks through the dark or the sound of their kids XBox on full blast that says, "You're not so abnormal and you're gonna be ok." It's worth it. And also because I know that before I know it, I'll be waking up in a quiet, clean and empty house... missing my life as it is today... and wishing I can go back and live it all over again. I'm hoping this will help me do just that.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Maybe Next Time...

Looking at me today, no one would ever say I've done this before. By 'this', I mean having raised a toddler before. My youngest was a couple weeks away from his ninth birthday when my littlest one was born. In a lot of ways I did sorta feel new to the game again. Like riding a bike, heh?

 Nope. Not really. This kid makes me look like a complete and total rookie.

I was at an appointment today with the little one. I don't know what it is about office spaces that gets these kids going but it happens every time. This building in particular. They do this at the pediatricians office too. Usually in the places where you should most seem to have your shit together. Instead they make you look a dang fool. The receptionist recognizes my face as I walk in and judging by the way she almost seems to be fighting her laughter, I can tell she's ready for a show.
I refuse to. I'm NOT crazy! I'm not here for their entertainment, I say, I'm not!!!
Its muggy and sprinkling outside... The perfect weather to jack up the best of hair days. Except I hadn't had a chance to so much as touch mine this morning. After tearing my house apart searching for the car keys and frantic about the kids being late to their 3rd day of school this morning, momma had no time for pretty today. 
I walk up to the receptionist hand in hand with my pretty girl looking semi normal aside from the poofy hair I kept blowing out of my face and tucking behind my ear.

And OFF she goes!
The little one takes off running like some caged animal who had been set free for the first time in years.At first I run after her trying to look as "normal" as I can... ya know that weird run that looks more like you're clenching your butt cheeks together during a super brisk walk? Yea. That was me looking "normal" today. To make matters worse, we're leaving a trail of Cheerios behind us since she's waving her little Zip Lock bag full of cereal around as she squeals in delight at this fun game of tag we've got going on here. I could see the other moms in the room with their quiet little infants drawing their little bundle closer to them. I recognized this move cause I was once that mom watching the horror of a parent trying to control this little monster that my little angel will NEVER be. Once I figured my attempt at not looking crazy today was a big, fat FAIL... I took off in a full fledged run. For the those who don't know what my run looks like... picture cheeks jiggling, arms flapping, hair flying, boobies bouncing, feet stomping... it's a mess.

I catch her. Enter into the bigger, grayer office space I was lead to. I've got a nice grip on the little one but she soon breaks free to climb onto the chair next to me. That's good. Good girl. Sit still like a good girl. I try to keep her seated... soon I'm trying to keep her from escaping the room while I semi listen to the presentation I was there to see. After about 2.5 seconds, I gave up on trying to listen all together and started offering the other restless toddlers in the room some Goldfish crackers. The other moms accepting the gesture to share the wealth of goodies with relief. Soon as the presentation was over... High tailed it outta there with my little one hanging under my arm fussing and kicking out of control.

As I approach the receptionists desk I notice her eyes lit up with amusement probably expecting some sort of closing line to the spectacle she just witnessed... "Have a great day!" She says as I try to walk past her as quickly as I could hoping she won't notice me...

Thanks! Same to you!

Next time... Next time I'll be totally NORMAL...

Little Ms. Mischief herself <3