Monday, September 23, 2013

Mommy Has A Potty Mouth: Part Deux

I can't. 

I just can't do it.

No matter how hard I try I can't stop cursing.

Remember those "alternative" words I tried to come up with? Yea. That shit didn't work. Instead I found my self cursing and then following the curse word with the replacement word (as if my loved ones didn't hear the original curse word) and cursing again because I CURSED. Which actually defeats the purpose of this whole trying not to curse thing. 

I was telling the babe last night... This shit just isn't me. Especially in my blogging. I can keep em out of my recipes and tutorials of course. I would never instruct you to "sprinkle some shit on your pasta" or "glue this shit to the other shit". But it wouldn't sound like me to just NOT do it... especially when I'm describing my day. Because trust me... There's a whole lot of cursing in my regular day. Even if i don't always say it out loud... I'm either mouthing it, thinking it or mumbling it. To try and describe my day without the cursing is something like experiencing the flavor and richness of eating filet mignon but serving my friends a bland piece of chicken. And I'm not that kind of friend y'all. After all... Sharing is caring, right?

I'm still a nice person.  Sometimes unusually nice to people who probably don't deserve my nice-ness. I'm still a great mom... I know it... I've heard it... The kids say so in their Mothers Day cards every year. I still correct my kids when I hear them say something out of line of the morals we teach. And if they ever dare ask why I curse sometimes the answer is...

Because I CAN damn it!!!

Because I'm the adult and you're the child. I have a drivers license and can legally buy wine and I don't intend on putting an end to driving or drinking wine just because you're not allowed to... which for the record you should NEVER combine those two together. Never. EVER.  I cursed my ASS off during the 32 hours of labor with a failing epidural with you (my son cause he would be the one I explain this to) and I don't see why I should stop now. The more pain in the ass shit you do, the more I'll curse cause that's my RIGHT. And when you have children of your own someday you'll understand what all the, "What the fuck is this shit?!"s and "LAWD just fuckin take me now!"s you've heard growing up were all about! That's when I'll pat you on the back and welcome you to Parenthood and laugh at the thought-"Payback's a bitch." 

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't want to put the vision into anyone's head that I'm some crazed, lunatic mom who hates motherhood so much that I find reason to curse it every morning I wake up. It's very much the opposite. I love everything about motherhood. It wouldn't be motherhood without experiencing the good, the bad & the ugly and good Lord is it good. Being a mom is a blessing most of us don't deserve it's so amazing. Even if at the moment I'm wishing I were somewhere else... Those moments are rare compared to moments that there's no place in the world I'd rather be than right here, right now, with my kids. 

My children are all magnificent kids. They're funny & smart. Random & creative. Respectful, sweet & loving. I could go on and on but I might seriously bore the shit of you if I do that...


Like all great kids... They're STILL kids!  Kids that think up new ways everyday to drive you up the friggin wall and make you question all that you thought you knew on the rules of science and they make us SWEAR! A lot!

So while I still have to keep in mind that I have teeny growing ears around me at all times... I'll focus more on the mumbling or mouthing of the curse words. I accept my cursing is a part of me as the dimples on my ass so I'm just gonna have to figure out a way to work with both of em' so they don't hurt nobody. 

::deep cleansing breath... And release:: 

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