Thursday, September 5, 2013

On Why I Blog...

This probably should have been my first post. But when I started this blog I couldn't say I had any real intention on sharing any of this. Part of that reason being, that I wasn't exactly sure what direction I wanted to take this. The bigger reason being that I like my privacy... A LOT. It was suggested to me that I start blogging because I have the "gift" of written expression... or being a "drama queen" as most of my loved ones like to put it. (For the record... My reactions are totally legit!) With the number of mommy bloggers out there enjoying the success blogging has to bring to their families, it wouldn't hurt to at least try... Right?

No. I'm a stay at home mom. If being noticed and money were what motivated me... I would've chosen a different career path, wouldn't you think?

If I'm going to do anything worth sharing, I need to be able to find what it is that's going to motivate me into following through with it. What reason could I find that is so important, so persoanl and so much bigger than my fears, self-doubt and my shyness?

Well... I found my reasons...

I've been the type of mom who dwindled herself to nothing to herself so that she can be everything to someone else. I know what it's like to put the passions that once defined me aside for the sake of nurturing the interests and talents of another. I've struggled with maintaining my identity as anything other than a mom, a wife, and a homemaker. I've found myself in tough situations and struggled through some battles that could have killed my spirit. I know what it is to feel your world crashing down around you... Feeling that at any moment some big black hole will swallow you whole but knowing that if you succumb to those feelings... You're leaving survivors behind. Yet, somehow today, I find humor in EVERYTHING. Well... almost everything. And through moments of enlightenment... always manage to find a way back to myself. Mostly because I was lucky enough to where during my times of struggle and doubt... someone's voice broke through the dark to say, "You're not alone in this."

That voice wasn't always someone I knew. There were times that it didn't even have a face. Sometimes it came from the story of a loved ones experiences... Other times it came from an article... Or a song... A book... God maybe... Or yes, even a blog.

I blog because even though there's a huge community of mothers out there who find themselves stumbling through motherhood... It's much too easy to feel lonely in the world. I'm here to say, that's far from the truth. For the ladies who struggle with their body image and the belief that you're ugly if you can't fit into a pair of size 6 pair of jeans... I'm here to tell you, I struggle with this too and good Lawd... You're fucking gorgeous! *snap* Need suggestions for dinner? Which products I wish had been invented back when I had the first kid? Beauty tips? Not so beauty tips? I'll talk a little about all of that.

Most importantly I blog because I want to chronicle the sweetest time of my life. When my babies were babies (preteen or not, she's still my baby) and mom was the celebrity in the house (don't bust my bubble, okay?). I want to share my joy and the struggles of raising them. I want to share the highs and lows of "starting over", blending a family, and all the other unique challenges that come along the second time around at happily ever after. (For real this time). 

I've been inspired by so many of these women. Regular women that you see every day... walking down the isles at our supermarkets and chasing their toddlers down in Walmart parking lots (ya know... besides just me...) yet little do we know, some of these women go home to run their homemade empires. Some spread light with their wisdom, inner peace or their humor. Others simply hope to reach someone who will be able to relate. 
 So, after 30 years of being known as the "quiet girl" who was secretly SCREAMING inside... I'm finally brave enough to put some of ME out there. Because I just up and decided one day that I CANNOT leave this earth without sharing a teeny bit of what's in the inner most part of my soul... as well as what's on my dinner plate. Some days the post may be about something silly, others not so funny, random, or focused just towards the ladies... but I know that SOMEONE, somewhere has GOTTA relate. If I can be the little voice that breaks through the dark or the sound of their kids XBox on full blast that says, "You're not so abnormal and you're gonna be ok." It's worth it. And also because I know that before I know it, I'll be waking up in a quiet, clean and empty house... missing my life as it is today... and wishing I can go back and live it all over again. I'm hoping this will help me do just that.

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