Monday, February 18, 2013

"I Wanna Be a Millionaire So Friggin Bad"...

It's Saturday morning. The hubby is off getting some work done on the minivan and his coupe. His car in desperate need of a tune up. My vans muffler needs to be fixed before we all pass out from carbon monoxide poisoning.
It's freezing out and the mountains of snow from last weeks blizzard has melted down at least a foot. The kids lost in their Nabi tablets. Ah, yes! The remote belongs to me today.
I turn on the TV onto TLC's "The Lottery Changed My Life"... I hate this show. Not because because it's a crappy show but only because I find that after watching it, I wasted four hours of my life lost in my thoughts. Pacing around and mouthing imaginary arguments in my head with certain people who I'm convinced would put a damper on my new wealth. If anything can get a persons mind racing more it's the thought of what they would do if they won the lottery. I can never help initially thinking about all the amazing things we could do with such a windfall. I'm standing in front of the TV with remote in hand wanting to press down on the 'channel' button... but I just can't pull the trigger.
That's it... the show sucked me in yet again...
We can get our dream house. We can get the kids through college. We can have our dream car. We'll travel the world. We'll pay off our debts. We'll plan the wedding and the honeymoon of our dreams. I can get my boob job. Maybe that Brazilian butt lift surgery I googled the other day. The hubby can realize his dream of owning a restaurant...
This is where I get excited and start thinking...
I can buy my mom a house! I can set my sisters and my nephews up! I can make sure my grandparents are well off! I can set up my in laws! I can't set up the in laws without setting up my aunt and uncle. I can't set up my aunt and uncle with setting up my cousins. I can't set up my cousins and not hook up my bestest friend! I can't set up my bestest friend without setting up the hubby's bestest friends! How close are they really? Does this mean people are going to want to come around all the time? I value my privacy. As well as peace & quiet. Are we going to have to pay every ones way through everything now? Are we going to be the go-to person for personal favors, loans & brilliant investments? We could change our number. Or simply just say "no." But.. I don't like to say no. Would it make me a bitch for saying it though? Would they understand that we're not a frigging bank and the money would never last that way? I could already see the people coming out of the wood work. Can my ex-husband try to sue me for a sum of this? The ex-wife will definitely be taking the hubby to court for a piece of the action. Possibly all of it. Can she even do that? She'll attempt it and walk away with SOMETHING surely. When we go out for group lunches or dinners... are we ALWAYS going to have to pick up the check? It would be rude not to, I suppose. We can never claim to be broke. What if someone tries to rob us? Kidnap one of our six children for ransom? The neighbors are suspiciously quiet. What salary do we offer a personal bodyguard for each of the kids? Benefits? We both have a ton of family we barely talk to... What do we tell our 3rd cousin through marriage when they ask for a hefty loan or start mailing us their bills? It would be nice to be able to lend a helping hand. But will it be enough?  Maybe we can move far away from everybody? But... that would suck. I miss my mom. How much would the taxes be on a dream house? Dream car? How do we know the people we meet from this point will REALLY like us for us? Is there anybody out there that could claim to have my baby? Wait. I have all the babies I gave birth to. (One. Two. Three. Yup. All here.) What about the kids? What about their future spouses? Will they marry evil people that will lock us away in nursing homes and pray for our death for our inheritance? Only to divorce our daughters/sons and run off leaving our babies behind?! We need a security system. A good one. With cameras EVERYWHERE. With guard dogs. Big ones. Does the hubby continue working? We'd probably go nuts sitting around staring at each other all day. What if we hate the people we've become because of this stupid money?!?!?
I flush all the frustrations that come with being rich down the big imaginary toilet in my head. ( Along with this weeks diet.)
I walk into my room... baby is sound asleep napping in her crib.
The hubby walks in and hands me the keys to my 13 year old minivan with new muffler which now makes my big beauty purr like a kitten. In a little while I'll be getting dressed to have a girls day with my oldest daughter. Life is pretty good.
Our debts can be managed. We have a place to call home while we rebuild our lives together. We have a constant stream of love and support coming in from both sides of our families. A handful of friends we genuinely love and love us and our kids in return.
Psh! No millionaire could buy this.

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